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Name is the game!

21 Sep

What went wrong with the ‘Commonwealth’ Games. I know exactly what went wrong. Blame the name.

C’mon now! What do you expect of a game which bears the name ‘common’.  You see, the Government took the name in the literal meaning of the word. If it’s called ‘common’ ‘wealth’ games, it must use up common wealth. Thus, you see the money flowing in and output has very little balance as in the case of any project that uses common wealth.

Also they thought, that since athletes have to run on roads, there should be appropriate arrangements for them to be able to do long jumps, high jumps etc as well. Well, the games development were left to the last, hoping that the rain gods would intervene and take care. Well, they did, and a little too much. There are swimming pools everywhere now. 🙂

They also dug up CP well enough so all their athletic events at one venue. There was no need for spending in building sports complexes at all. But it is insane how India media did not understand, whined a little too much and the rest you know is history.

However, a twist came about. Somewhere in July, it was uncovered that common wealth was not to be usurped in the games. There had to be some kind of sponsorships to support the game. It was not 2 seperate words but one word – ‘Commonwealth’. Alas, the meaning was not so easy, and in a country which considers English as almost the mother tongue, and binds several millions, this mistake was bound to happen.

So they thought, may be it is for very common people – coming from common countries. Well, they developed place that could be inhabited by common people.  Such is the irony, that this also was misunderstood – and here is the result –

Not to mention, the committe had always aspired for this, as reported, “The specification for the village set by Delhi 2010 promised to be of the highest standard, surpassing anything that had gone before.”

BTW, it is called Commonwealth Games because it is overseen by the Commonwealth Games Federation (CGF), which also controls the sporting programme and selects the host cities*. The host city is selected from across the Commonwealth, a federation of 54 countries. This fact makes me angry. What were the other 53 nations thinking? Why could they not take fundamental Commonwealth concepts classes?

The second problem is a little more complicated. It involves celestial interventions and the life of a being.

Now, how would a Marathi know a hindi and kannada word and name a Maharashtrian village by it. Celestial Intervention – it has to be. Someone must have flown in on an Uran  Khatola to this village in Maharashtra from Karnataka/ North India, and seen this wonder full place and named it – Kalmadi.  A family must have been intrigued enough to attach it to its name for generations. And the last, for that Kalmadi name to associate with CWG. You see – ‘kal’ means tommorow and madi means -‘done’.. So, it will be done tomorrow, that is- if tommorow comes.

Meanwhile, I wonder, how a common person like me could decipher the celestial interventions and all, while the numerologists, astrologists and the rest are hiding somewhere, and India TV and IBN7 has not yet uncovered the truth.

Job is goooooood

5 Apr

Six months into working by myself, there is much that I appreciate about a 9am to 6 errr 8pm job. Infact, this post will try and work around you to appreciate what you’ve got in a job, about which you crib a LOT !

1. Office coffee/tea : There are 3 things good about the horrible tasting coffee. First, that it is free. Second that it is automated and third, that it is a good excuse to get off work and grab a quick discussion on weather, bosses, work-load and of course intelligent discussion on ‘you know what she is wearing today’ ….. OMG … ! And a well acceptable excuse.

<on phone>

Boss : where are you? blah blah blah blah blah blah!

ME : Did not get lunch … 😉 so….grabbing a quick cup of coffee (since the past 15 mins)

Boss: Oh ok, rush to my cabin … once done

2. Air Conditioning : Until last year I used to smirk on everyone who would complain about summers. Thanks to the office air conditioning. Infact, i usually was upset about too much cooling and bone ache cos of it.

Well you guys, just try and get yourself really cool in office, untill you move out on your own and dread the overheads of house cooling and electric meter readings. Yeah, even though the electricity department claims otherwise, they definitely run into huge profits.

3. The HR department: So how many of you feel that the HR department does no work. I love these guys, ever since I have none of them around me.

These guys work to take you away from work, planning all the company paid parties …  Diwali partiees, holi get-togethers. They make you get out of office by providing cabs and all (at the same time getting paid for it) … in fact these guys have done a stupendofantabulouslyfantastic job by convincing management that there should be yearly increments (even if it is just 2%), perks and providing extreme comfort at the work place. They have infact corrupted the system, and in the process benefited millions.

4. Bosses: They are God sent. Every time something goes wrong, you can blame it on poor briefing, mislead guidance, poor leadership skills, low motivation and stress due to overload and in most cases get rid of it all via a banter with your colleagues over an after office session. But, had there been no boss – just think about it – who would become the subject of all your talk, know of it and yet  bear you with all dignity. They make for a good crib of 5 mins every 5 mins. 😐

Lastly, this is the most important part of it all. Your puny salary  gets you piece of mind(of your bosses), some bank balance every month. Also, a bank balnce ensures you dignity with the world, and with the Gods of credit.  Enjoy, while those Credit Card guys toil day and night to somehow get your number on their database and all that you do is shout on them when they call….at-least they  don’t put down calls on your face when you declare that you are self occupied!

IPL is pro-Maharashtra !

14 Mar

The great form of entertainment is back and it is pro-Maharashtra. This is how –

1. ) Lalit Modi, Gujju, born in Delhi, studied in Shimla,  Nainital and USA, now living in Mumbai – had committed a crime in 1985, of possessing 500 gms of cocaine, kidnapping and assault. Then, he had pledged 100 hours of community work . Thats when the seeds of IPL were sown. Today, he possesses some 500…….. (lakh/millions/billions rupees), has kidnapped the game of cricket and is assaulting cricketers (via auctions). Yet, it translates into great community work –  One Maha-rashtra through one Maha-game. :).

2.) All of twitter world including most from Mumbai like @iamsrk @theshilpashetty @realpreityzinta will tweet and trend IPL. One Mumbai. One topic of interest. One nation. One twitter. One world.

3.) I support Mumbai Indians and Delhi Daredevils and Kings Xi (sitting in Noida), my hubby supports Chennai sooper Kings (eeks – really!), my neighbours from Chennai support Delhi Dare Devils, and my Bhabhi’s pup supports the cheer leaders. He wags his tail and attempts some form of dance, every time he sees them! DOGS !!! All of us, sometimes, watch on the same TV set.

4.) We Indians are a lot of very aggressive people, especially when on roads, in the house (excpet infront of our bosses) With aggressive cricket around us, all of us just sit infront of TV sets and let cricketers like Appam C…. get agressive. Effectively, less traffic on the roads and PEACE!

5.) So, now for the next few days we will not hear about the Marathi Manoos. Instead from various parts of the country we will find supporters for Mumbai Indians, with players from Maha – Rashtra ie the world. Dear Mr. Thackeray beat this!

6.)Besides, Media would be too busy juggling three important news items, and will totally forget about Mr. T and other state related news cos of . 1. IPL III 2. Dance India Dance 3. Anandi’s death and second life (TVitually)

The amalgam of all that India is about – Cricket, Bollywood, Twitter, Unity in Diversity and Aggression is therefore, pro Maha-rashtra and INDIA. 🙂

I want to be a politician! :)

22 Nov

Despite several attempts of becoming regular at my blog posting, I have failed.

So, I have decided that I will become a politician. How does that help my cause. Here’s how –

1. I suffer all that the common man suffers through. Eg: – water problems, bijli problems , identity crisis etc. Therefore, I intend to turn the tables. I will talk about them, and in the process have undaunted supply of civic infrastructure, exclusivity on roads, infalible bijli etc. With the basic and exclusive infrastructure at my service, I can get more time to think about the bigger problems that common man suffers through… (not including me)

2. To be a regular at my blog, I need brain waves… an insight into the common man’s subject. If I become a politician, I’d be party to discussions, discussions and discussions. Imagine sitting between 4 politicians – Raj Thackeray, Bal Thackeray, Varun Gandhi and me. Just a mere presence there would give me enough fodder for a thousand posts.

3. I would speak to media all the time. My works / words will get published in reports  by media. This exposure would not only bring traffic to my site but also allow me the right to re-publish these to my blog. hehe!

4. I will get a chance to raise the common man’s subject on a national level. I have lived across the country. I can raise the cause of the UP Manoos, Amdavadi Manoos, Delhi Manoos and Kanaddiga Manoos :). Oh I forgot, I can raise my own cause as well. THE INDIAN MANOOS !!!

Lastly, I have failed in my endeavour to keep the blog regularly posted. And I feel responsible. But, the minute I become a politician, I can assume irresponsibility at the core of my values. I would not even need excuses. I can just be.

Con Calls

20 Jun

Ladies and Gentleman,

Have you ever thought of the various uses of the telephone connections in your home? You can use your phone to call relatives, friends, various services, colleagues, strangers…

But, I want to recount a most ridiculously useful experience. First let me share the learnings.

1. Keep atleast one mobile per person … to a minimum  of 4

2. Learn to change your voice, mimic people etc

Here’s the story –

So it was midnight. A calm weather and a totally unstormy night. I was thinking how beautiful the night is with the cooler and its effect and wondering how the world survived in days of yore. Damn the thought ~ the electricity went off. It is uncanny how a thought translates into unwanted reality when you least want it to. There was no electricity only in our house. Apparently, only 1 phase was off, which meant no electricity only for us.

I wanted to take revenge. However, at 12 in the night my creative juices die, unless pushed into it by Nature…

So I  spread the mattress on the wonderful terrace, and started admiring the sky, the stars. As usual the persistent thought of time travel occupied my mind again. Wished if I was 100 lightyears away, I d be able to understand how earthians lived w/o electricity.

Damn! I was stung into reality again. The mosquitoes which have existed now and forever, were anxious and wanted to have  my blood. For them there were no thoughts only my sweet blood.

Patience tested, I decided to take action and pushed my husband out of his idleness to do SOMETHING.. Call the electricity deptt or do whatever but get the electricity back.

After some loud cribbing on the state of the earth, he succumbed and called the 15A gatekeepers, took  the electrcity deptt numbers and called them. An unfruitful conversation with ELectricity Department  followed..

Him: Hello, 15- a se bol rahein hai.. Light nahi aa rahi

ED: khus fus khus fus

Him:  Nahi sir. Yahaan ek phase nahi aa raha hai(in a sweet, pleading voice)

ED: khus fus khus fus khus fus

Him : ok…

Tung (the phone is down)

Me: :D. aane wali hai ..

Him: arre yaar .. he doesnt believe me .. he says that there have been no complaints..

Me : so what will make him believe us… May be we should ask the neighbours to call.. ugh

Him: MAy.. be…

Me: 😀 … May be we can call on their behalf…

Him : <evil grin>

Now I dial from my number… and heard my prayers in his dialler tone

~~~~Jai Bhole Nath, Jai Ho Prabhu ~~~~

Him: Hello

Me(in a sophisticate, adulterated tone): hailO… Sector 15- a has had a power cut, Electricity Kab tak aayegi?

Him: Madam, kaha se bol rahi hai

Me: 15-A se, our guests are here and the generator aint working.. please jaldi theek kara dijiye. OK

Tuck. Kept the phone down.

Both of us then rushed to the landline and dialled him again.

~~~~Jai Bhole Nath, Jai Ho Prabhu ~~~~

Him: Hello

Me:  HEEELLLLLOOOO, Haan ji yeh light kab aayegi, 15-A mein. Yeh koi time hai light kaatne ka.. aapka machharo se koi pact hai kya… ???

Him: Hello, awaaz nahi aa rahi hai

Me:  Arre bhai  light kab aayegi

Him: MAdam, theek kar rahe hai, 15- A se bol rahi hai na…(now he believes me… :D)

Me: Jaldi karaiye please…

Tuck.. phone down again.

Convinced that he was convinced, we started another round of calls to the guy to create the feeling of an apocalypse…

The electricity was back in 15 minutes… (the world was set straight and back to normal, I could hear the mosquitoes crying)

Yours truly

Thinking Axe

IPL is pro-feminism..

13 May

So every year, at least there will be one month, that will get dedicated to Cricket by both the genders. Well, there seems to be nothing extraordinary about that… 

Well, there is. You would not believe it, but this form of cricket is pro-feminism. This game of Knight Riders, Chargers, Dare Devils and Super Kings promotes the  power of women.

Several reasons why I say this –

The first one is pretty obvious if you watch the game. You probably don’t know the names of the cricketers in every team. But that in any case is  not what you want to know.  You attention has totally been skewed by that the ladies on the fence(not in the crowd). The women that support the cause of a Green Earth via this popular game. This is no more a man’s game…has brought in the participation of women to the game. As far as I can think, this is the only form of cricket where each and every six is for the cause of women. (There doesnt seem to be any other reasons for so many sixes and fours)  

The second reason is preity obvious too, 20-20 has not only brought women to the fence, but also infront of TV sets at home. According to TRPs and demographics of viewers, a lot of women have adapted to bearing this shorter form of the game(with more masala).  I say, this is great. Women can now appear intelligent(anlyse the game with men), appeal more to men and gain FAKE  intelligence with some inside stories on IPL organisers, franchise owners and cricketers, rather than learn the wicked ways of bahus in serials (although, the primary reason for them to watch the IPL, is to make sure their men remain controlled).   

This exciting game also makes it easier for women to have their ways with men.

Eg ;

I say- I want to watch a movie

He says – No ways

I say – I am going for shopping

He says – Ok sure… (trying to make up for no movie)

I say – Come, along

He says -Pleeees, I love when the Chargers play..  like their Che.. uh oh Chaminda Vaas…

I say – No worries, I will jut be back in 2 hours … make sure you give me a download when back

He says (without taking his eyes off the screen)- Sure – take cash out of the drawer… 

Me – 😮

And the game continues ….

So you see, IPL covers  three important aspects including sports, acads and management to make sure that women remain on top.

I need a hike !

16 Nov

I thought over and over… and finally thought that I should say it for the last time, before such a line evaporates totally for the next two years. I NEED a HIKE.

Again thought and thought… what are some of the other statements that are losing meaning in the current state of affairs!!!

– Hiring in bulk : All I hear is job cuts in bulk

– Easy home loans: While there seem to be no homes to buy, Why will people ask for home loans at all. In any case the home loans will not come easy.

– Appreciating property prices: No science there.. a recession hits property first…!

Even my jokes on the slowdown have gone into a recession as it spreads its effect…

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