Archive | Fun RSS feed for this section

Traveling in a 4th dimension…

16 Jul

By now, most of you would have guessed my obsession with street affairs. But believe me If I risk my life over 15 times on something as meaningless as commuting, I might as well join the Indian Army and win a veer chakra. So my mind keeps wandering to find larger solutions for these smaller problems.

So the other day I wandered over the internet to find more on traveling like genies – via portkeys etc. (For the uninitiated, I am a big fan of Harry Potter – and portkey is an interesting solution via which they have solved commuting problems). So I hit upon something called Worm Holes! Gosh! thats a huge concept in science coming your way from a Commerce student…(Science students, please refrain from reading further… )

Wormholes, as the name does not suggest, are invisible currents that travel faster than light. It seems that me and you, will be able to cross light ages in seconds if we hit this invisible current.

Since it is invisible, you may hit it anytime, so I may as well tell you what to expect if you hit one tomorrow.(No, I am not boasting any of my recently gained insights into the subject) Suddenly you will feel stretched. Not like you stretch at work everyday. More like parts of your body in different time zones. And before you try and collect your body together, you’d be at your destination. Wow! What a wonderful way to travel! An appeal to all the scientists out there… please do something :)

Points to ponder:

1. If there are more of you lucky guys in the same Wormhole, it may turn into a really interesting journey…. Think about it.

2. Daily life problems that this will solve besides commuting…think in the dimension of time travel… as the womholes allow traveling faster than time.

3. Give me more Business ideas that one can start around it… I would glad to get that EARLY MOVER ADVANTAGE … for now we will assume that commuting is free.

Well! my thinking nerves have died at this hour(1:30 am), and actually grappling with the issue of ‘grandfather paradox‘

The effect of inflation!

7 Jul

So all of you have been wondering where to park your money in these shrinking times? I have the answer to this difficult situation… You can send it all to me :) (reason at the end of the post).. my blessings to you with interest are already on the way :)

Ok now on a serious note! how are you dealing with the current situation of inflation?

Some observations in the past few days of how people are dealing with it:

The Kirana store uncles have become khadoos… (Used to call them Bhaiya until I decided to be really mean and started calling them Uncle.. read on to know why)

The situations as below:

Me, Anks and Meg at the store opposite our house. 2 uncles greet us with that ever so conspiring smile.

Me: “Hello Bhaiya”

Bhaiya : “Hello, kya doon?”

Meg: Like Shankar Mahdevan in a single breath singing kind of a way: milk, curd, rin coffee,……. fhsfkfjsdfe vjhgifkdskfjerdsfkfrigkdgnrgiergkrfn…. aur kuch yaad aa raha hai kya?”

Me: “Yaar, lets cut down on maggi this month… too much of fat.. may be we can just have the energy rich Parle – G…”

Anks The dietician completely agrees: “Good Idea.. That way we can save money too!” (Anks bette!!! yeh bolna nahi tha)

Me: “Thats besides the point though” (… covering up…)

Bhaiya “Maggi hata do.. Achha ab hisaab jod do”

Bhaiya ji: Grabs his calculator… tick tick tick tick…..Madam – 761

Me: “761 … !@#$%^&*! itna saman hai kya? Thikhai chaliye … Kitna de…? 700 :) ?

See the catch here is not bargaining… but customer relations.. we give him a business of almost 100 everyday… and in return expect 10% discount… why? cos we dont go to Subhiksha, Big Bazaar etc .. therefore we get the discount when we do wholesale shopping… ie above 500.. that was the established norm until that day…

Bhaiya Ji: Cluck Cluck.

Anks hands out a 1000 rupee note.

Bhaiya ji returns 239. !! My turn to do cluck cluck

Me: Uncle (bhaiya ji turned Uncle in that very moment) 1 rupaiya bhi discount nahi diya…

Uncle: raising his eyebrows at ‘Uncle’ and accepting the change. Beta, Mehengaye badh gayee hai… mehnat ka kaam karte hai…(As if mera paisa toh tree par ugta hai)

Me: Uncle fir bhi 750… oh sorry 760 ho jaata!

Uncle: Beta inflation ke baare mein nahi dekh rahe ho kya akhbar mein… (Guess, the word ‘inflation’ has become as common as aloo pyaaz today…!)

The other Fatty Uncle now gives that look of Over and out…!

Me: Heads down.. give that look of defeat to Meg and Anks! walk in silence.. Thinking – I need a raise

What else have Meghs and Anks done to save themselves of inflation: They have declared themselves FAT :O and therefore the kirana store uncle has one excess bottle of oil and ghee and alot of other eateries that i dont want to go in to detail here.

My Bais come on foot instead of rickshaw.. and are late everyday!

Barista switches of AC in peak hours (9pm). The landlady switches off our Electricity Mains ( even though we pay the bills)

The neighbour has cut down on her foreign holiday and er beauty parlour trips!

Bonuses dont seem to be getting credited in the BANK any soon!

As for myself.. I am thinking I’ll postpone my shaadi until ‘Hope’ (read money) resurfaces.

Someone, (read Govt) Please do something!!!

Practising corruption or high ambition!

30 Jun

I am inspired by this report on CNN – That India is a country entrenched with corruption. I disagree!

We are a country of unsatisfied and ambitious people … that what takes us ahead in life.

Example: Traffic Light is red. The Car AC is on. Traffic policeman approaches us. Knocks on the glass window. Window shield down. Mouthful of paan, in a heavy voice says “Madam ne seat belt nahi pehni hai, challan katenge”

“Arre sir… jaane do” “ab pehen lengi” “Allahabad se aayi hai”"yahan ke kanoon nahi jaanti”

Spits on the road, and says in a much clearer voice “Toh ab jaan jayengi jab chalan katega toh, jaan jayengi aur yaad bhi rakhengi”

“Sir maaf kar do”

“Thik hai jaiye”

Me astounded. Wondering. As window shields goes up.

“Arre bhai, rukiye, kuch token to dete jaiye” (token???)

Eyes go up in expression of non-comprehension

“500 – de de” ” Ya kaar bagal mein laga le”

I look at my companion. He looks at me. Pays. Zoom past the traffic as the light turns green. Grateful for his generosity and out of court settlement for a 200 ka challan settled in 500.

Boss! you cant call this corruption. It is only ambition without the right direction.

More of such situations occur in everyday lives of Businessmen… salaried professionals are definitely oblivious to the fortunes of handling Govt Authorities in land, electricity and similar kind of ambitious dealings.

More is always less in India… :)

If you have read this… and remember your experience.. enlighten me.. through a comment…and I’ll add it in to situations here.. Thanking you in anticipation

Dear Street Hawker…

23 Jun

Dear Street Hawker….

I take this opportunity to speak to millions of you out there on the roads…But why? you would ask me now.. OH thats because .. with an interaction with you guys .. I gain immense satisfaction… :)

Cos of those 5-100 bucks you let go on an a shirt…”Thankyou Bhaiya”

Some places where i’ve found you and made you a part of my life are Sarojini nagar, Janpath, Kamla Nagar and my favourite Lajpat Nagar. I’ll narrate here my interaction with you today:-

__________

Location: Sarojini Nagar

Item on Sale: : clothing(woman’s t-shirt)

Me: Bhaiya- yeh kitne ka hai

Bhaiya : Madam : ek sau paitees ka

Me: Baap re:…Kaisee batein kar rahe ho?? Ek shop khol lo yaha pe, itna mehenga lena hota toh showroom se na le lete…(a little aggressively..)

Bhaiya: Madam, toh jao showroom se le lo (getting indifferent)

Me: Achha batao kitne ka lagega (bringing back his interest)

Bhaiya: aap ko bola na madam.. ab aap bata do kitna doge.. achha ek sau pachees de do…

Me: (to my friend) chalo yaar!

Bhaiya: Achha kitna dogey?????????

Me: Pachaas :)

Bhaiya: Madam itna margin nahi hai …. (knowing that I know it all) achha sau de do….

Me:rehne do…

Bhaiya: Pichhatar de do… ( now he’s talking)

Me: 50 final???? (me, gesturing to leave… without any intention)

Bhaiya: Achha le lo Madam(Both of us smile.. deal was final since the beginning )

Madam: Mein kehi rahi thi.. roz mein aati hu .. wahi jagah .. wahi daam.. toh jyada kyu du…

Now in my mind :

Bhaiya ji: Maan gaye .. aapki parkhi nazar… aur bargaining skills dono ko :) )

—————

But for you guys…our saturdays and sundays would have been spent in malls… in those lost worlds..

And I must mention here.. your biasnees towards the fairer sex… gives me a cause to beat my male friends hands on…. The wayback machine takes me to year 2001…

_________________

Location: SRCC

Me: hey, CASPER… (he was wearing a t-shirt with casper fabricated on it)

Him: Like the t-shirt eh…

me: Of course !

Him: :)

Me: Got it from Sarojini ;)

Him: abbey .. dheere bol

Me: achha kitne ki khareedee?

Him: (Smirking) :) onnnnlllyyy sixty five:

Me: (a devils smile on my face) ohh hoo hoo… bees jyada de diye… maine bhi same khareedee :P (.. and i walk away with a triumpant grin)

_________________

Therefore I champion your cause…

With great admiration,

Axe

Baap ki sadak hai!!!

19 Jun

I am trying to figure out here as to how mindlessly people claim the Indian roads as their… FATHERS! It is sabke baap ki sadak.. mere alava…

‘Walking on his fathers road, he indicates the cars and buses and autorickshaws to wait until he crosses the road, or just runs down it as a bus just misses to hit him. He is everywhere… and as he just misses to go to heaven(or hell.. depending on his karma) he turns around and says… something to do with the driver’s someone. :)

NEXT:

The season of Dussehra when people just fail to recognise that there exist vehicles that run on the road. No ! I am not talking about the Pooja Pandals. I am talking about the ubiquitous Baarats and Pandals for marriage purposes. Marriage season starts from Dussehra and lasts till March. Well, anyone can imagine that with 10 million people getting married every year (oh ok! that number is out of indepth understanding of a matrimony portal) half the India’s roads and most of the colony roads get blocked. Thankfully i don’t own a vehicle. The problem therefore for me is ‘how to get in to my house’. But another thing is that it is not just marriages…. it also includes various other occassions when people take the advantage of tax and reap returns in the name of their fathers.(thats how every body addresses them in such situations)

NEXT:

Well then the other case is about PARKING. Ok I dont know how to drive a car.. but I do understand the etiquettes of car parking. This is a plea to all those nimcompoops who think that it s their FATHERS road. Believe me our generation has paid more tax than your fathers.. it is as much yours and and as much ours.. So please respect traffic authorities and park only where you are allowed to.

NEXT:

And yes, how can I forget the fans of our very own angry young man- Amitabh Bachan. Well Indian’s have this untamed habit of following their heroes. And yes they do display their passion publicly.

“Leave your car in the midle of the road.(baap ki sadak hai!!!) Go Ahead. Fight for your rights against every other Indian who trespasses your car. Especially in the mornings when half of 1/6th of the world is driving to office. Which means that atleast some people will get to know that you are an aggressive angry young man. “

To me it does not matter who’s mistake it was. All that matters that is I lose 15 mins of sleep everyday cos of India’s aggression on the road and the traffic jams that follow.

That is all. Subjectively!

Auto wallas – a tale of three cities

8 Jun

Photo by Puneet

Reader Update: Exceptional Delhi Daredevil photo above. Thanks Puneet.

My subjects today are the usually common people on the road who drive a ‘green’ and ‘ello’ vehicle called an Auto Rickshaw. My experience with this species spans three cities. Bangalore, Mumbai and Delhi. And I am keen to brand them basis their attributes and key characteristics.

1. Bangalore Badshah: The species in Bangalore can be termed as ‘Badshahs’. This moustached, no nonsense aristocratic breed are interested in going nowhere. The passer by is a fool, a lesser mortal, who was unable to purchase a vehicle. ‘Do the passer by a favour, give him a lift, ofcourse he will pay the autowallahs moneys. The money goes as a ‘dakshina’. Read a general situation to below to understand the case better.

Situation : 15 mins on the road – No Auto yet. Then I see a badshah coming towards me… I beg… Badshah stops… “Will you go .. Indira Nagar?” … cluck cluck … and the Badshah speeds away… makes no effort in using his god gifted voice… CLUCK CLUCK .. THAT’s IT …

2. Delhi DareDevils: Yes I am inspired by the IPL name… but then there is definitely a similarity in aggression. Although, none other. The basic tenets of their existence are aggression. supression. And that too without any mission. Some terms do not exist in the dictionaries of these species. eg: Traffic policeman, Meter, courtesy, Fear. More in situation below

situation: “Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Nahi Jaana”

“Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Nahi Jaana”

“Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Nahi Jaana”

“Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Chalenge”. “Meter se?”. “Meter nahi chalta madam”.”Accha, rehne do fir”. “Aap batao madam kitna dete ho? 40 de dena”. ” Nahi Bhaiya. 40 jyada hai. 20 hota hai”. ” Madam 35 de dena”. “Nahi Bhaiya, Jao”.” Thik hai madam, 30 dena hai toh bolo, varna jao”<aggression starts here>. I look around. No other Auto. “Thik hai. Chalo”<keep reading. it doesnt end here>

“Madam utro”. “Yahan nahi aage utarna hai”. “Wahan se koi mod nahi hai vapas aane ka. aap yahi utro”<supression starts> I succumb. OK. ‘huh’

And last

3. Mast Mumbaikars – Remembering them now. I feel glad.

Sincere. Open to learning new ways. Honest. Wonderful. They are the only hope in this black and ello world. The situation says it all -

Situation: Board tha auto. Command – “Bhaiya Santa cruz” …… zooom zoom and then

“Meter down… down.. down down down down…”

Hail Hope. Hail Mumbai!

Update: I cam across this wonderful post by another tortured fellow: click here to read a wonderful composition on Bangalore Badshahs

Getting back to reading- The Enchantress of Florence

23 May

A Complicated Novel

After a 2 years since I read a novel, I have started reading again. Courtesy Anshul. Thanks !!!

Tourist Guide to a weekend trip to Nainital

11 May

Last weekend I made a two day trip to Nainital. Actually, Ramgarh. Considering that it was a two day trip, I think that I used time optimally to relax as well as see places around and would like to take this opportunity to guide people. Free of Cost. :D

A quick guide:

Friday Night: A Group of 4 of us took a train to Kathgodam. Ranikhet Express is a marvel. It leaves Delhi(DLI) at 10:45pm and reaches Kathgodam(KGM) at 5:45. If you fall in the category of a typical ‘kanjoos’ procrastinator then book sleeper at 400 bucks- Tatkal quota. The AC 3 Tier cost is 700 something.

Dont forget to take a pack of cards.. .and enjoy your train journey as well!

Saturday Morning: Now in KGM, we needed to go to Ramgarh to a resort called Roop Kumaon. So, before I describe the Resort, heres a quick byte on how to decide where to stay.

1. If you are lazy: Stay at Nainital.

2. If you like Calm surroundings and have an extra buck in your pocket. Then Ramgarh/ Naukuchiyatal is perfect for you

Either, get adventurous and hunt places to stay once in Nainital/Ramgarh/ Naukuchiyatal.

Or, if you are risk averse, then thank travel portals. Surf Makemytrip and Yatra for places to stay. Well, actually I got a fantastic deal of 50% off on domestic hotels on Ezeego1through an ICICI Card – Ambani Khaandaan ki Jai Ho!

Ok. So our resort – Hotel Roop Kumaon was a hour and a half from KGM. Secluded, it was first disappointing to realise that there was no convenient transport from the location. But, the rooms were spacious, the view – beautifuland the service excellent. Also, the silence was almost deafening especially at night. Altogether,

perfect getaway. Room Rent -1200(after discounts)

)

Saturday: After a couple of hours of rest, get a cab to SaT Tal and Bhimtal. Dont go to Naukuchiyatal. There’s nothing to miss there. SaT Tal is absolutely beautiful and mesmerizing. It is a gamut of Seven Lakes. The way down to the Main lake is heavenly, as you catch glimpses of other lakes within the curves of the mountains.

It is advisable to take a boat ride here. (Cost:130 with some bargaining skills). Also dont miss one of the lakes on the way. It is supposed to be haunted.

Be back by 8 to your hotel whereever it is and catch an IPL match if the series is still running. :D . (Total Cab Cost : 1000)

Sunday: Reach Nainital by 11am. The Animal caves in Nainital are quite intersting. Besides trottin through them, you may get that exercise you have been missing for months. Also, walk around the market, eat at the Boat Lake House, while enjoying the view. You can miss the Nainital Zoo. I was unable to go to the Waterfall though. You may try and see it and let me know about it too. Leave the place by 6:30pm for KGM. (Total Cab cost:1200)

Get some good food packed from Nainital for the train . KGM did not seem to recognise the need of hungry bypassers.

Back to Delhi : From KGM, RAnikhet express leaves at 8:30pm and reaches DLIat 4:45 in the morning. Convenient to be back home and get two hours of rest before hitting the office again.

Some adventurous details later.

Acknowledgements: IRCTC, Indian Railways, EzeeGo1, Hotel Roop Kumaon.

Translucent Earthlings!

24 Aug

Imagine a conversation:

Creature 1 :That creature you ate .. is still alive.. look how its jumping around in your stomach..

Creature 2: Oh yeah.. that tickling feeling is really nice…

BURRRP! :)

Pictures below of translucent earthlings .. creatures in deep Atlantic …recently discovered … now i am sure there are invisible beings as well

I have a crush on this HERO here!

I take this opportunity to thank the University of Aberdeen for this amazing discovery…

Read More here

Newer Entries →

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.