So, here is what I need it to have, in no particular order and irrespective of whether I am on the driving seat or not:

1. Mirrors: Every woman is obsessed with her looks. Besides, in India we wear elaborate dresses like the saree, which makes it all the more important to check , every now and then, if  all is fine. So, I come to the point, the ‘hidden mirror’ is heluva lot critical. Don’t you agree?

2. Power steering: Usually the best shopping spots are located in city interiors eg: Johari Bazaar in Jaipur. This means, that if the steering is not powerful enough for us dainty darlings, we’d have to depend on our ‘better’ halfves to drive us. A complete ‘NO’ ‘NO’. So the steering better be good, if you want someone beautiful to sit behind it, and drive it to bazaars and malls.

3. Killer looks: With Indian men no match to Greek Gods, we can expect only our cars to be masculine and beautiful at the same time.

4. Large Boot: The least we expect of cars is to have a large boot which can accommodate all the heavy duty shopping we indulge in every time something goes wrong. It’s called retail therapy, and it’s a must do for every women to remain sane.

5. Bluetooth connection: Women are the multi-taskers, men can never imagine ever to be. We juggle several things at the same time. Cooking, talking, cleaning happens simultaneously. Similarly, traveling, fixing meetings and kitty parties need to happen at the same time. We need to be connected on-the-move. And today, I realized that a bluetooth connectivity can really come in handy in all the cumbersome situations that we have to deal in.

I am sure I can list a hundred other features that we want in our cars. Like a powerful engine to make sure that the car remains sturdy and sustains a little wo-man-handling…

However, lets hear it from you. What’s the most important feature that you want in your car? Suggest it directly to car makers here .

Look forward,

Aakriti aka Thinking Axe!

(This post is courtesy my selection for the Ford Figo tour – I, Aakriti and my hubby Anshul are one of the couples and get this wonderful chance to explore the car and India. More posts soon. )

1. ) Lalit Modi, Gujju, born in Delhi, studied in Shimla,  Nainital and USA, now living in Mumbai – had committed a crime in 1985, of possessing 500 gms of cocaine, kidnapping and assault. Then, he had pledged 100 hours of community work . Thats when the seeds of IPL were sown. Today, he possesses some 500…….. (lakh/millions/billions rupees), has kidnapped the game of cricket and is assaulting cricketers (via auctions). Yet, it translates into great community work –  One Maha-rashtra through one Maha-game. .

2.) All of twitter world including most from Mumbai like @iamsrk @theshilpashetty @realpreityzinta will tweet and trend IPL. One Mumbai. One topic of interest. One nation. One twitter. One world.

3.) I support Mumbai Indians and Delhi Daredevils and Kings Xi (sitting in Noida), my hubby supports Chennai sooper Kings (eeks – really!), my neighbours from Chennai support Delhi Dare Devils, and my Bhabhi’s pup supports the cheer leaders. He wags his tail and attempts some form of dance, every time he sees them! DOGS !!! All of us, sometimes, watch on the same TV set.

4.) We Indians are a lot of very aggressive people, especially when on roads, in the house (excpet infront of our bosses) With aggressive cricket around us, all of us just sit infront of TV sets and let cricketers like Appam C…. get agressive. Effectively, less traffic on the roads and PEACE!

5.) So, now for the next few days we will not hear about the Marathi Manoos. Instead from various parts of the country we will find supporters for Mumbai Indians, with players from Maha – Rashtra ie the world. Dear Mr. Thackeray beat this!

6.)Besides, Media would be too busy juggling three important news items, and will totally forget about Mr. T and other state related news cos of . 1. IPL III 2. Dance India Dance 3. Anandi’s death and second life (TVitually)

The amalgam of all that India is about – Cricket, Bollywood, Twitter, Unity in Diversity and Aggression is therefore, pro Maha-rashtra and INDIA.

1. Ban paper currency- make the world go barter.  Else- somehow mint plastic coins. Use waste plastic there …. PLEASE. I hate those chips/rajnigandha wrappers on the roadside.

2. Make it compulsory for anyone working on a Laptop to work from home. All approvals would automatically happen on soft copy. Also, this would encourage cloud computing and more new age innovations. Obviously, we’d save fuel too.

3. Ban cigarette. Save those butts.

4. Dig all Govt. offices. Pull out the load of paper in there. Soft copy them. Recycle the paper. (This would also help create employment for people who would soft copy it.)

5. Bring the world to a consensus on saving paper. The rest would happen!

It is about the Idea, IDEA broke the campaign a little early, else I would have got the credit for the tree saving campaign ;P. But, procrastination has its disadvantages and advantages. So, ruminating this for over a month now, on how to save paper.. here are some intelligent solutions, coming from me!

Dear Pizza Hut and Dominos – please don’t send me paper napkins, unless I ask you to. Please, Go Green !

Dear office goer – avoid going to Hari Sadu with paper documents. No paper. No tearing.

Reduce usage of PAPER NAPKINS, PAPER CUPS,  anything made of paper.  Off late, I carry my chai mug everywhere. To the chaiwala, in the train etc etc. No, its a cup and not a lotah! :p. And I live in India and not the U.S.

Dear  local marketing guys – reduce advertsing on PAPER: I don’t read your pamphlets, if you send them along with my newspaper. Also, I don’t take them seriously.

Dear guys/gals about to be married – electronic cards – sing and dance, the way you’re planning for your marriage.  Just do a little bit of hard work and send across digital cards which sing and dance to those 500 relatives, instead of ordinary PAPER cards.

Dear colleges –  please cancel all exams. (especially, paper exams)

Dear students – don’t study marketing. And if you do, study sustainable marketing (Think a century and not a quarter). Please don’t waste money on paper ads, billboards etc.

- All you good citizens – just follow my advise!

Have you ever thought of the various uses of the telephone connections in your home? You can use your phone to call relatives, friends, various services, colleagues, strangers…

But, I want to recount a most ridiculously useful experience. First let me share the learnings.

1. Keep atleast one mobile per person … to a minimum  of 4

2. Learn to change your voice, mimic people etc

Here’s the story -

So it was midnight. A calm weather and a totally unstormy night. I was thinking how beautiful the night is with the cooler and its effect and wondering how the world survived in days of yore. Damn the thought ~ the electricity went off. It is uncanny how a thought translates into unwanted reality when you least want it to. There was no electricity only in our house. Apparently, only 1 phase was off, which meant no electricity only for us.

I wanted to take revenge. However, at 12 in the night my creative juices die, unless pushed into it by Nature…

So I  spread the mattress on the wonderful terrace, and started admiring the sky, the stars. As usual the persistent thought of time travel occupied my mind again. Wished if I was 100 lightyears away, I d be able to understand how earthians lived w/o electricity.

Damn! I was stung into reality again. The mosquitoes which have existed now and forever, were anxious and wanted to have  my blood. For them there were no thoughts only my sweet blood.

Patience tested, I decided to take action and pushed my husband out of his idleness to do SOMETHING.. Call the electricity deptt or do whatever but get the electricity back.

After some loud cribbing on the state of the earth, he succumbed and called the 15A gatekeepers, took  the electrcity deptt numbers and called them. An unfruitful conversation with ELectricity Department  followed..

Him: Hello, 15- a se bol rahein hai.. Light nahi aa rahi

ED: khus fus khus fus

Him:  Nahi sir. Yahaan ek phase nahi aa raha hai(in a sweet, pleading voice)

ED: khus fus khus fus khus fus

Him : ok…

Tung (the phone is down)

Me: . aane wali hai ..

Him: arre yaar .. he doesnt believe me .. he says that there have been no complaints..

Me : so what will make him believe us… May be we should ask the neighbours to call.. ugh

Him: MAy.. be…

Me: … May be we can call on their behalf…

Him : <evil grin>

Now I dial from my number… and heard my prayers in his dialler tone

~~~~Jai Bhole Nath, Jai Ho Prabhu ~~~~

Him: Hello

Me(in a sophisticate, adulterated tone): hailO… Sector 15- a has had a power cut, Electricity Kab tak aayegi?

Him: Madam, kaha se bol rahi hai

Me: 15-A se, our guests are here and the generator aint working.. please jaldi theek kara dijiye. OK

Tuck. Kept the phone down.

Both of us then rushed to the landline and dialled him again.

~~~~Jai Bhole Nath, Jai Ho Prabhu ~~~~

Him: Hello

Me:  HEEELLLLLOOOO, Haan ji yeh light kab aayegi, 15-A mein. Yeh koi time hai light kaatne ka.. aapka machharo se koi pact hai kya… ???

Him: Hello, awaaz nahi aa rahi hai

Me:  Arre bhai  light kab aayegi

Him: MAdam, theek kar rahe hai, 15- A se bol rahi hai na…(now he believes me… )

Me: Jaldi karaiye please…

Tuck.. phone down again.

Convinced that he was convinced, we started another round of calls to the guy to create the feeling of an apocalypse…

The electricity was back in 15 minutes… (the world was set straight and back to normal, I could hear the mosquitoes crying)

Yours truly

Thinking Axe

Well, there is. You would not believe it, but this form of cricket is pro-feminism. This game of Knight Riders, Chargers, Dare Devils and Super Kings promotes the  power of women.

Several reasons why I say this -

The first one is pretty obvious if you watch the game. You probably don’t know the names of the cricketers in every team. But that in any case is  not what you want to know.  You attention has totally been skewed by that the ladies on the fence(not in the crowd). The women that support the cause of a Green Earth via this popular game. This is no more a man’s game…has brought in the participation of women to the game. As far as I can think, this is the only form of cricket where each and every six is for the cause of women. (There doesnt seem to be any other reasons for so many sixes and fours)  

The second reason is preity obvious too, 20-20 has not only brought women to the fence, but also infront of TV sets at home. According to TRPs and demographics of viewers, a lot of women have adapted to bearing this shorter form of the game(with more masala).  I say, this is great. Women can now appear intelligent(anlyse the game with men), appeal more to men and gain FAKE  intelligence with some inside stories on IPL organisers, franchise owners and cricketers, rather than learn the wicked ways of bahus in serials (although, the primary reason for them to watch the IPL, is to make sure their men remain controlled).   

This exciting game also makes it easier for women to have their ways with men.

Eg ;

I say- I want to watch a movie

He says – No ways

I say – I am going for shopping

He says – Ok sure… (trying to make up for no movie)

I say – Come, along

He says -Pleeees, I love when the Chargers play..  like their Che.. uh oh Chaminda Vaas…

I say – No worries, I will jut be back in 2 hours … make sure you give me a download when back

He says (without taking his eyes off the screen)- Sure – take cash out of the drawer… 

Me –

And the game continues ….

So you see, IPL covers  three important aspects including sports, acads and management to make sure that women remain on top.

The indicators are believable – Mapped to previous downturns, statistics indicate that economic indicators are at their lowest, from where it will pick up soon – in simple terms… 

I am happy and already planning life after three months. What will be up my sleeve as soon as the slowdown ends?

1. I have been saving so far since the slowdown began, in fear of losing my job? Therefore, some of my aspirations did not see light of day, and therfore the first things I got to do are to buy a car and a house(if the current rate at 8% persisits)  and also try and do some other life altering stuff that I cant mention publicly.. you may try and guess it though. 

2. Once the slowdown is over, I will start paying the rickshaw puller 20 bucks instead of 15 for commuting between office and home.

3. I will try and spread good word about ICICI, which touched bankruptcy 4-5 times since slowdown started(thanks to me – the originator of such rumours)

4. Also, I will try and make my blog more popular by sponsoring Kolkata Knight Riders (for every IPL – at least they get to play 6 games). Imagine seeing Thinkingaxe.com instead of Nokia, and me instead of SRK .

5. Once I have made enough money in the next boom, I will take up politics as a career, and fulfill my aspirations of opening a shoe shop

Well there is lots more…but I shall close this here today, for the fear of boring you guys.(I am yet not ready for a shoe shop)

Thanks – and do add in your wishlist in comments

CEO: But, ours is a flat organisation, why do I need to be called a CEO

HR: But then how else do we sign this letter off.

CEO: May be you can just leave it blank and sign off by the company name. A company is an entity under the Indian Business principles. (Besides there is no death threat to it)

HR: May be can redo your designation to Managing Director.

CEO: No thankyou I am happy being just a humble employee!!!

A little later, there was a rumour that all CXO positions will be addressed simply and humbly as employees…. !

Today, I Thank God, I am not a CEO. With much difficulty, I have attained the designation of a Manager, and I am not very humble to let go the position. Just Like That!

I am glad. I have arrived in life for the second time in a week. What took me so long to write this post, with the award conferred on 14th August is the list below. Finally, it is as follows.

1. Interpreting Images

And Being Insouciant

2. Vimoh’s blog

3. Kartik’s Corner

4. Whatay

5. Nutrition Gyan

6. Pheonix Ritu - Your brother post touched me deep and would pass the brilliance back to you again

7. Dominatio Per Malum

Thanks to all you people AGAIN…!

Freedom

I have arrived . Today was a day of reckoning in my life. I screened 15 entries to the writing competition in my office:). The subject was a tough one… How independent is India/ Independence for me is. Wonderful entries came in. One of the heart wrenching ones is here.

Your chance of fame is here too… complete the sentence below in less than 50 words

Independence for me is ………….!

The next post is dedicated to freedom…. of speech