Archive | June, 2008

Practising corruption or high ambition!

30 Jun

I am inspired by this report on CNN – That India is a country entrenched with corruption. I disagree!

We are a country of unsatisfied and ambitious people … that what takes us ahead in life.

Example: Traffic Light is red. The Car AC is on. Traffic policeman approaches us. Knocks on the glass window. Window shield down. Mouthful of paan, in a heavy voice says “Madam ne seat belt nahi pehni hai, challan katenge”

“Arre sir… jaane do” “ab pehen lengi” “Allahabad se aayi hai”"yahan ke kanoon nahi jaanti”

Spits on the road, and says in a much clearer voice “Toh ab jaan jayengi jab chalan katega toh, jaan jayengi aur yaad bhi rakhengi”

“Sir maaf kar do”

“Thik hai jaiye”

Me astounded. Wondering. As window shields goes up.

“Arre bhai, rukiye, kuch token to dete jaiye” (token???)

Eyes go up in expression of non-comprehension

“500 – de de” ” Ya kaar bagal mein laga le”

I look at my companion. He looks at me. Pays. Zoom past the traffic as the light turns green. Grateful for his generosity and out of court settlement for a 200 ka challan settled in 500.

Boss! you cant call this corruption. It is only ambition without the right direction.

More of such situations occur in everyday lives of Businessmen… salaried professionals are definitely oblivious to the fortunes of handling Govt Authorities in land, electricity and similar kind of ambitious dealings.

More is always less in India… :)

If you have read this… and remember your experience.. enlighten me.. through a comment…and I’ll add it in to situations here.. Thanking you in anticipation

Dear Street Hawker…

23 Jun

Dear Street Hawker….

I take this opportunity to speak to millions of you out there on the roads…But why? you would ask me now.. OH thats because .. with an interaction with you guys .. I gain immense satisfaction… :)

Cos of those 5-100 bucks you let go on an a shirt…”Thankyou Bhaiya”

Some places where i’ve found you and made you a part of my life are Sarojini nagar, Janpath, Kamla Nagar and my favourite Lajpat Nagar. I’ll narrate here my interaction with you today:-

__________

Location: Sarojini Nagar

Item on Sale: : clothing(woman’s t-shirt)

Me: Bhaiya- yeh kitne ka hai

Bhaiya : Madam : ek sau paitees ka

Me: Baap re:…Kaisee batein kar rahe ho?? Ek shop khol lo yaha pe, itna mehenga lena hota toh showroom se na le lete…(a little aggressively..)

Bhaiya: Madam, toh jao showroom se le lo (getting indifferent)

Me: Achha batao kitne ka lagega (bringing back his interest)

Bhaiya: aap ko bola na madam.. ab aap bata do kitna doge.. achha ek sau pachees de do…

Me: (to my friend) chalo yaar!

Bhaiya: Achha kitna dogey?????????

Me: Pachaas :)

Bhaiya: Madam itna margin nahi hai …. (knowing that I know it all) achha sau de do….

Me:rehne do…

Bhaiya: Pichhatar de do… ( now he’s talking)

Me: 50 final???? (me, gesturing to leave… without any intention)

Bhaiya: Achha le lo Madam(Both of us smile.. deal was final since the beginning )

Madam: Mein kehi rahi thi.. roz mein aati hu .. wahi jagah .. wahi daam.. toh jyada kyu du…

Now in my mind :

Bhaiya ji: Maan gaye .. aapki parkhi nazar… aur bargaining skills dono ko :) )

—————

But for you guys…our saturdays and sundays would have been spent in malls… in those lost worlds..

And I must mention here.. your biasnees towards the fairer sex… gives me a cause to beat my male friends hands on…. The wayback machine takes me to year 2001…

_________________

Location: SRCC

Me: hey, CASPER… (he was wearing a t-shirt with casper fabricated on it)

Him: Like the t-shirt eh…

me: Of course !

Him: :)

Me: Got it from Sarojini ;)

Him: abbey .. dheere bol

Me: achha kitne ki khareedee?

Him: (Smirking) :) onnnnlllyyy sixty five:

Me: (a devils smile on my face) ohh hoo hoo… bees jyada de diye… maine bhi same khareedee :P (.. and i walk away with a triumpant grin)

_________________

Therefore I champion your cause…

With great admiration,

Axe

Baap ki sadak hai!!!

19 Jun

I am trying to figure out here as to how mindlessly people claim the Indian roads as their… FATHERS! It is sabke baap ki sadak.. mere alava…

‘Walking on his fathers road, he indicates the cars and buses and autorickshaws to wait until he crosses the road, or just runs down it as a bus just misses to hit him. He is everywhere… and as he just misses to go to heaven(or hell.. depending on his karma) he turns around and says… something to do with the driver’s someone. :)

NEXT:

The season of Dussehra when people just fail to recognise that there exist vehicles that run on the road. No ! I am not talking about the Pooja Pandals. I am talking about the ubiquitous Baarats and Pandals for marriage purposes. Marriage season starts from Dussehra and lasts till March. Well, anyone can imagine that with 10 million people getting married every year (oh ok! that number is out of indepth understanding of a matrimony portal) half the India’s roads and most of the colony roads get blocked. Thankfully i don’t own a vehicle. The problem therefore for me is ‘how to get in to my house’. But another thing is that it is not just marriages…. it also includes various other occassions when people take the advantage of tax and reap returns in the name of their fathers.(thats how every body addresses them in such situations)

NEXT:

Well then the other case is about PARKING. Ok I dont know how to drive a car.. but I do understand the etiquettes of car parking. This is a plea to all those nimcompoops who think that it s their FATHERS road. Believe me our generation has paid more tax than your fathers.. it is as much yours and and as much ours.. So please respect traffic authorities and park only where you are allowed to.

NEXT:

And yes, how can I forget the fans of our very own angry young man- Amitabh Bachan. Well Indian’s have this untamed habit of following their heroes. And yes they do display their passion publicly.

“Leave your car in the midle of the road.(baap ki sadak hai!!!) Go Ahead. Fight for your rights against every other Indian who trespasses your car. Especially in the mornings when half of 1/6th of the world is driving to office. Which means that atleast some people will get to know that you are an aggressive angry young man. “

To me it does not matter who’s mistake it was. All that matters that is I lose 15 mins of sleep everyday cos of India’s aggression on the road and the traffic jams that follow.

That is all. Subjectively!

Thinking Axe!

17 Jun

I have moved onto wordpress… please click on the link below:
Thinking Axe!!!

Auto wallas – a tale of three cities

8 Jun

Photo by Puneet

Reader Update: Exceptional Delhi Daredevil photo above. Thanks Puneet.

My subjects today are the usually common people on the road who drive a ‘green’ and ‘ello’ vehicle called an Auto Rickshaw. My experience with this species spans three cities. Bangalore, Mumbai and Delhi. And I am keen to brand them basis their attributes and key characteristics.

1. Bangalore Badshah: The species in Bangalore can be termed as ‘Badshahs’. This moustached, no nonsense aristocratic breed are interested in going nowhere. The passer by is a fool, a lesser mortal, who was unable to purchase a vehicle. ‘Do the passer by a favour, give him a lift, ofcourse he will pay the autowallahs moneys. The money goes as a ‘dakshina’. Read a general situation to below to understand the case better.

Situation : 15 mins on the road – No Auto yet. Then I see a badshah coming towards me… I beg… Badshah stops… “Will you go .. Indira Nagar?” … cluck cluck … and the Badshah speeds away… makes no effort in using his god gifted voice… CLUCK CLUCK .. THAT’s IT …

2. Delhi DareDevils: Yes I am inspired by the IPL name… but then there is definitely a similarity in aggression. Although, none other. The basic tenets of their existence are aggression. supression. And that too without any mission. Some terms do not exist in the dictionaries of these species. eg: Traffic policeman, Meter, courtesy, Fear. More in situation below

situation: “Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Nahi Jaana”

“Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Nahi Jaana”

“Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Nahi Jaana”

“Bhaiya, Ashram”. “Chalenge”. “Meter se?”. “Meter nahi chalta madam”.”Accha, rehne do fir”. “Aap batao madam kitna dete ho? 40 de dena”. ” Nahi Bhaiya. 40 jyada hai. 20 hota hai”. ” Madam 35 de dena”. “Nahi Bhaiya, Jao”.” Thik hai madam, 30 dena hai toh bolo, varna jao”<aggression starts here>. I look around. No other Auto. “Thik hai. Chalo”<keep reading. it doesnt end here>

“Madam utro”. “Yahan nahi aage utarna hai”. “Wahan se koi mod nahi hai vapas aane ka. aap yahi utro”<supression starts> I succumb. OK. ‘huh’

And last

3. Mast Mumbaikars – Remembering them now. I feel glad.

Sincere. Open to learning new ways. Honest. Wonderful. They are the only hope in this black and ello world. The situation says it all -

Situation: Board tha auto. Command – “Bhaiya Santa cruz” …… zooom zoom and then

“Meter down… down.. down down down down…”

Hail Hope. Hail Mumbai!

Update: I cam across this wonderful post by another tortured fellow: click here to read a wonderful composition on Bangalore Badshahs

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