5 ideas to bring in the apocalypse, before 2012

July 2, 2009 in Daily Life | 6 comments

So, the recent fretting over electiricity and water crisis culminates in this post. We all know that the Earth is predicted to have a life of just 3 years now, until 2012.

But we(the world) seem to collectively be working towards shortening it even further. Very well. Why should I stay behind in this effort?

Here are some suggestions to the World to get this going real fast.

1.Pollute air, breathe ‘other ‘ interesting ’stuff’ : Wouldnt that be ideal. So drive polluting vehicles more. Rebel against public transport. Start a dharna against Metro.

2. Plant no trees We might have noticed that the number of thunder storms and dust storm fequency has gone up since a past few years. Believe me, thank me and you for it.

“I have never planted a tree, and never will. That is my two – bit, ‘NO EFFORT’ contribution.

3.Clean your house, throw kachra on the road. Infact in some years you will find ‘Kachra Storms’, with the amount of Kachra we throw on the roads. All the better. You can just collect them to dispose of the Kachra in your house

4. Pollute water, drink Wine I don’t think any of us need any lesson on it. Infact the system in which we live, ensures that there is no scope of water conservation. We have already contaminated the sea and river water to be sure that the municapility cannot clean it, and we can’t drink it. So we order bottled water(sometimes waste half of it). Very good. Bottled water drinking ensures that for every 1 litre, there is damage done to the Earth, which adds further to the cause.

BTW, our daily natural activities naturally contribute towards the cause – One third of the water in the world goes down the loo. :) Just in case the world survives till 2012, but clean water dies, we can cultivate enough grapes to survive on Wine. :P

5. Live like today In any case these tips are almost redundant. If we just continue to do what we already do, we’d achieve the purpose :) . THANK YOU ALL

Con Calls

June 20, 2009 in Comedy, Daily Life, Fun | Tags: , , | 16 comments

Ladies and Gentleman,

Have you ever thought of the various uses of the telephone connections in your home? You can use your phone to call relatives, friends, various services, colleagues, strangers…

But, I want to recount a most ridiculously useful experience. First let me share the learnings.

1. Keep atleast one mobile per person … to a minimum  of 4

2. Learn to change your voice, mimic people etc

Here’s the story -

So it was midnight. A calm weather and a totally unstormy night. I was thinking how beautiful the night is with the cooler and its effect and wondering how the world survived in days of yore. Damn the thought ~ the electricity went off. It is uncanny how a thought translates into unwanted reality when you least want it to. There was no electricity only in our house. Apparently, only 1 phase was off, which meant no electricity only for us.

I wanted to take revenge. However, at 12 in the night my creative juices die, unless pushed into it by Nature…

So I  spread the mattress on the wonderful terrace, and started admiring the sky, the stars. As usual the persistent thought of time travel occupied my mind again. Wished if I was 100 lightyears away, I d be able to understand how earthians lived w/o electricity.

Damn! I was stung into reality again. The mosquitoes which have existed now and forever, were anxious and wanted to have  my blood. For them there were no thoughts only my sweet blood.

Patience tested, I decided to take action and pushed my husband out of his idleness to do SOMETHING.. Call the electricity deptt or do whatever but get the electricity back.

After some loud cribbing on the state of the earth, he succumbed and called the 15A gatekeepers, took  the electrcity deptt numbers and called them. An unfruitful conversation with ELectricity Department  followed..

Him: Hello, 15- a se bol rahein hai.. Light nahi aa rahi

ED: khus fus khus fus

Him:  Nahi sir. Yahaan ek phase nahi aa raha hai(in a sweet, pleading voice)

ED: khus fus khus fus khus fus

Him : ok…

Tung (the phone is down)

Me: :D . aane wali hai ..

Him: arre yaar .. he doesnt believe me .. he says that there have been no complaints..

Me : so what will make him believe us… May be we should ask the neighbours to call.. ugh

Him: MAy.. be…

Me: :D … May be we can call on their behalf…

Him : <evil grin>

Now I dial from my number… and heard my prayers in his dialler tone

~~~~Jai Bhole Nath, Jai Ho Prabhu ~~~~

Him: Hello

Me(in a sophisticate, adulterated tone): hailO… Sector 15- a has had a power cut, Electricity Kab tak aayegi?

Him: Madam, kaha se bol rahi hai

Me: 15-A se, our guests are here and the generator aint working.. please jaldi theek kara dijiye. OK

Tuck. Kept the phone down.

Both of us then rushed to the landline and dialled him again.

~~~~Jai Bhole Nath, Jai Ho Prabhu ~~~~

Him: Hello

Me:  HEEELLLLLOOOO, Haan ji yeh light kab aayegi, 15-A mein. Yeh koi time hai light kaatne ka.. aapka machharo se koi pact hai kya… ???

Him: Hello, awaaz nahi aa rahi hai

Me:  Arre bhai  light kab aayegi

Him: MAdam, theek kar rahe hai, 15- A se bol rahi hai na…(now he believes me… :D )

Me: Jaldi karaiye please…

Tuck.. phone down again.

Convinced that he was convinced, we started another round of calls to the guy to create the feeling of an apocalypse…

The electricity was back in 15 minutes… (the world was set straight and back to normal, I could hear the mosquitoes crying)

Yours truly

Thinking Axe

Why it aint simple!!!

May 28, 2009 in Daily Life | Tags: | 6 comments

It’s a complicated life… already. Man has enough complications to handle with an emotional heart. What bothers me is that we have further complicated our lives whith things that should have been simple -

Not the thing that heats food up .. :( ..
Not the thing that heats food up .. :( ..

Case No 1 – MICROWAVES – Now these things are suppose to heat food. But isnt there a simple fire that can do that. An independant fire. Microwaves are dependant on electricity (and believe me if live in Noida – it is the most scarce resource here) and food gets heated in vessels that are microwave safe. Ironically, these same vessels are useless, when you put them over fire. But then life itself is ironical(we will go on to this topic in some other post)

Case No.2 – Cushion Covers – Just remember the last time you tried to put on a cushion or pillow cover – its almost like a workout for 2 minutes.  I am a little confused. Why was the design never suitable to make it easy. Aint there enough pushing and shoving that the human kind are subjected to – like by the boss, the house maid, the other complicated stuff etc etc… 

Case No3 – Leave applications – Well , I am lazy enough not to send a mail to my boss and in most cases get a verbal approval. But imagine this. I am now supposed to remember a complicated url- (which I forget, therefore have to search thru a bunch of mails and  have finally managed to make it a favourite on INTERNET EXPLORER),  a username and password.. login and send leave request. As soon as this happens(which fails to happen in most chhuti cases), a ‘mail’ gets shot to my BOSS and she then has to logon to the same url and approve… a mroe tedious complicated process to benefit a bunch of HR professionals and make the life of 1000 employees a little complicated

As I continue thinking of why this happens I realise that most of these complications give way to an ecosystem around them – generating more business/ more employment and giving man another reasons to create a simpler solution. :)

IPL is pro-feminism..

May 13, 2009 in Comedy, Fun, Media | 21 comments

So every year, at least there will be one month, that will get dedicated to Cricket by both the genders. Well, there seems to be nothing extraordinary about that… 

Well, there is. You would not believe it, but this form of cricket is pro-feminism. This game of Knight Riders, Chargers, Dare Devils and Super Kings promotes the  power of women.

Several reasons why I say this -

The first one is pretty obvious if you watch the game. You probably don’t know the names of the cricketers in every team. But that in any case is  not what you want to know.  You attention has totally been skewed by that the ladies on the fence(not in the crowd). The women that support the cause of a Green Earth via this popular game. This is no more a man’s game…has brought in the participation of women to the game. As far as I can think, this is the only form of cricket where each and every six is for the cause of women. (There doesnt seem to be any other reasons for so many sixes and fours)  

The second reason is preity obvious too, 20-20 has not only brought women to the fence, but also infront of TV sets at home. According to TRPs and demographics of viewers, a lot of women have adapted to bearing this shorter form of the game(with more masala).  I say, this is great. Women can now appear intelligent(anlyse the game with men), appeal more to men and gain FAKE  intelligence with some inside stories on IPL organisers, franchise owners and cricketers, rather than learn the wicked ways of bahus in serials (although, the primary reason for them to watch the IPL, is to make sure their men remain controlled).   

This exciting game also makes it easier for women to have their ways with men.

Eg ;

I say- I want to watch a movie

He says – No ways

I say – I am going for shopping

He says – Ok sure… (trying to make up for no movie)

I say – Come, along

He says -Pleeees, I love when the Chargers play..  like their Che.. uh oh Chaminda Vaas…

I say – No worries, I will jut be back in 2 hours … make sure you give me a download when back

He says (without taking his eyes off the screen)- Sure – take cash out of the drawer… 

Me – :o

And the game continues ….

So you see, IPL covers  three important aspects including sports, acads and management to make sure that women remain on top.

Maya hi Maya!

May 4, 2009 in Media | 10 comments

“Lets have someone (as our PM) who knows economics, understands foreign trade, globalisation and most importantly can figure out means of growing wealth, redistributing it to make India a richer country irrespective of class, caste, community etc, AN OBAMA KIND” insists my husband.

I say – “Mayawati – fits the bill”. My husband gives me that Zoozoo type of look :@. Oh ho, I am not joking. 

The News Week has compared the ‘Iron Lady’ to Obama. After all, She is young like him, from an opressed community. And ….  lets rest it at that.

Not withstanding this report, lets take a sneak peek at her manifesto- to see why she perfectly fits in.

She is the perfect candidate – For her focus on education – Academics was never her strength, so she wants to make sure that the next gen has it for sure ! Proof below

1 – provide scholarship to the poor children from the Other Backward
Classes (OBCs) and religious minorities, particularlyMuslims.

2 - send students of the newly established Gautam Buddha University in Gautam Buddha Nagar district (Great Noida) at government expense to Europe or other foreign countries for higher education. Separate provision of 25 per cent fund has been made for the first time in the budget for SC/ST

Though I fail to understand why this system can’t be merit based by SEC category. Her efforts have been most visible in words, the execution though of any kind of political agenda is deferred and non – accountable. The focus on specific castes / religions very well makes each of us never forget our origins, keeping us well grounded into reality. 

Not withstanding the fact that most of her close circle in this election belong to various upper castes, she has maintained the following on her manifesto

3- securing the benefit of “Reservation” for the Scheduled Castes/Tribes and Other backward Classes in the areas like the judiciary, council of ministers, Rajya Sabha, Legislative Council and the private sector

“Congress party and BJP and their allies have been trying to end reservation gradually by giving to the Private Sector on a large scale those “government departments” and “institutions” in the Centre and all the states of the country”

Imagine the kind of harm that might happen, if the state starts working with  private institutions with a motto of profitability. Uh oh, shameful!! 

Our tax money is meant to redistribute wealth, and what better way to induce this through electing some uneducated bureaucrats (who have no other means of earning) and promote affrimative action.  Infact why spare the private companies from such generosity?

4. Create in the entire country an atmosphere free from “injustice, crime and fear” by establishing a “Rule of Law by Lawful Means” – As has been already established in the state of Uttar Pradesh in the past decade.

Some of her diktats will include

a. No Organised Retail – Kirana stores ensure redistribution of wealth.(Remember her fallout with some top brass reliable retail companies)

b.  Complete security: Separate Mafia Raj for each state to counter terrorism

c.  Dalits will spearhead every company

d. Capitalism makes the poor poorer, therefore we will become a communist country. Most foreign companies promote capitalism, therefore those cannot enter the country. Money of the country should remain in , thus, companies will not be allowed to expand beyond the borders.

e.  She will create wealth(Social and Personal). Period.

For any further proof of her eligibility refer to this

Wishlist for the upcoming boom times :)

April 29, 2009 in Daily Life, Fun | Tags: , , , , , | 19 comments

I am a die hard optimist! However, my energies have not surfaced for a while(since the slowdown happened),  but I found a reason yesterday when I read this on Curious Capitalist http://is.gd/uD59. While most economists have been sticking to a timeline of 2010, this piece of news indicates a recovery much earlier – 2009 – July. 

The indicators are believable – Mapped to previous downturns, statistics indicate that economic indicators are at their lowest, from where it will pick up soon :) – in simple terms… 

I am happy and already planning life after three months. What will be up my sleeve as soon as the slowdown ends?

1. I have been saving so far since the slowdown began, in fear of losing my job? Therefore, some of my aspirations did not see light of day, and therfore the first things I got to do are to buy a car and a house(if the current rate at 8% persisits)  and also try and do some other life altering stuff that I cant mention publicly.. you may try and guess it though. 

2. Once the slowdown is over, I will start paying the rickshaw puller 20 bucks instead of 15 for commuting between office and home.

3. I will try and spread good word about ICICI, which touched bankruptcy 4-5 times since slowdown started(thanks to me – the originator of such rumours)

4. Also, I will try and make my blog more popular by sponsoring Kolkata Knight Riders (for every IPL – at least they get to play 6 games). Imagine seeing Thinkingaxe.com instead of Nokia, and me instead of SRK :) .

5. Once I have made enough money in the next boom, I will take up politics as a career, and fulfill my aspirations of opening a shoe shop ;)

Well there is lots more…but I shall close this here today, for the fear of boring you guys.(I am yet not ready for a shoe shop)

Thanks – and do add in your wishlist in comments :)

Who’s that Blogger?

April 24, 2009 in Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 11 comments

I am usually a busy person and have no time to gossip or listen around. Yesterday was unique!!!

I was caught laughing to myself several times as I imagined Bub-Lee an Babli in a song sequence or imagining the more  discrete mentions in the blog of the Fake IPL Player. HO.HO!

The blog is adding a voyeuristic angle to obsessive cricket.. and CRICKET fans are ‘Just loving it’  …! 

I was OK till I heard this through the company grapevine.  But, I was shocked when I found it on TOI front page and then HT front page, mainstream media captured by a Fake Blogger :) .  India is now talking about bloggers and blogging, more than IPL. It has moved much of the cricket team on ground, analysts, junta and everyone is wondering on his identity.

silhouette-1

 

Sure of some things about him. Out of Common Sense.

# Has definitely studied ENGLISH, a God of smart descriptions, can give Arundhati Roy a run for her money.

#Is in the thick of things.

#Likes Ganguly – since only Kolkatans can love the ‘gud’(4 nothing) ol guy, he is therefore from Kolkata

#Is a revolutionary – he is the first blogger to make it to front page of Indian publications. I am almost sure that the next “India Today” will carry him, if not on the front cover.

His impact is so widespread and effective, that he has brought me back to blogging…!

Ok.. I got married

January 30, 2009 in Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 6 comments

I am not writing this post at 1 am in the night, as you guys might doubt that I am actually married now … boo hooo hoo!

So here’s the proof !!

Proof of marriage with witnesses
Proof of marriage with witnesses

I need a hike !

November 16, 2008 in Comedy, Daily Life | 4 comments

I thought over and over… and finally thought that I should say it for the last time, before such a line evaporates totally for the next two years. I NEED a HIKE.

Again thought and thought… what are some of the other statements that are losing meaning in the current state of affairs!!!

- Hiring in bulk : All I hear is job cuts in bulk

- Easy home loans: While there seem to be no homes to buy, Why will people ask for home loans at all. In any case the home loans will not come easy.

- Appreciating property prices: No science there.. a recession hits property first…!

Even my jokes on the slowdown have gone into a recession as it spreads its effect…

School Admission In India

October 7, 2008 in Daily Life | Tags: , | 2 comments

Geetika, a colleague used to come daily to office in a disturbed state – during last September- October… her worries were three fold…

1. She needed to get her kid admitted into nursery.

2. She had missed some admission deadlines and was worried she will miss more, if she is not vigilant enough

3. She was not sure which school to get into.

It all seemed overdone…. school admissions cant be such a pain.. especially since i got an admission easily in my time… :)

And then it hit me… No. I don’t have a kid, and I am not married. My nephew is old enough to go to a school and my sister has given me the OPPORTUNITY to find out about admissions. Its not only difficult …its painful…. cos of many rulings.. its a paradox.. its a jumble…( I am not overdoing it)

So, I logged on and found what can be done on this internet driven world, with low expectations. Thus, came across this site School Admission India ( www.SchoolAdmissionIndia.com/) and found it useful and would like to share with all worried parents across the country :)

I have created an account and would suggest you too to do the same. ( www.SchoolAdmissionIndia.com/)

Thank God for small miracles :)

Conversations

Also find me here

Visit blogadda.com to discover Indian blogs

Blog Stats

  • 5,431 hits